He laughs. “I didn’t say I could tell you how! But it’s all about entropy, the decline of the body from an ordered state into a chaotic state. What we need to do is to restore the ordered state.”

“We have 144 meridians,” Simon explains, “but the most crucial one runs right through the middle of your body from your head (the crown chakra) to the root chakra. Think of it like a train line from London to Glasgow. If that line is blocked, nothing works.”

“I do it all the time,” says Simon. “It was as if I’d struck gold when I discovered it. I haven’t been ill since. And no one I have told about it has been ill either. And I’m not a saint. I have all the stresses that go with having four children and a busy life.”

Simon’s argument is that you can do Botox and use expensive creams, but if you’re not looking after your body as a whole, then you will age more rapidly than you need to.

“You know when you come back from holiday looking marvellous? It’s because you’ve de-stressed. When you get stressed your body goes into flight mode, it shuts down and gets blocked. So it is unable to heal as it should.”

His advice for de-stressing, as well as pumping the Hu Yim, is to lessen your dependency on people and things: “It will decrease your stress levels immediately.”

Simon suggests we spend an hour opening my chakras and unblocking years of angst. “Even though your cells renew, they pass the memory of traumatic incidents on to the new cells. My aim is to cleanse them now, to give your body a chance to flow.”

“Think of me as a psychic Dyson,” says Simon. “Sucking out all the trauma and damage from your past.” He puts his hands around my face, then invokes the masters from the past to assist us in this purifying process.

I do wonder whether he’s a bit of a nutter. But the diagnosis he makes when it comes to where I have problems is so spot on that I believe he’s on to something. And it is compelling to believe that someone has the power to remove all my demons and allow me to start again, cleansed and pure.