I had my day all planned out. I was going to write my introduction to the French edition of Two Lipsticks and a Lover, finish my article on the Savoie and then take the children to their tennis lesson this afternoon. This was until Leo (aka Spiderman) decided to dive chin-first into the bidet.

As soon as I heard the crack then the ominous silence followed by the wail I knew it was bad. When I saw the cut I knew there was only one thing for it: casualty. Olivia came with me (keen to meet a real Dr McDreamy). Off we sped with Olivia holding a towel to Leo’s bleeding chin.

We were at the Clinique Pasteur by 8.30am. At 8.35 we were in the treatment room. Leo put on the operating bed and a lovely nurse put some pain-killer on his chin. She told us to wait for the doctor. Olivia was ushered out and went off horse-riding with her sister rather grumpily.

She didn’t miss anything. On a scale of things I never want to see again it is right up there at the number one spot. The cut was deep, it needed five stitches. I was told to hold Leo’s hands by the doctor. Not so much Dr McDreamy but Dr McGrumpy. I thought she meant hold his hands to comfort him. Oh no, she meant hold them because he is going to try to escape when the needle pierces his skin.

“Who is holding his hands?” she yelled as the scissors went flying. I felt like such a fool, and also like throwing up. There was my son covered in green surgical sheets with a gaping wound. It was too horrible.

“Has he eaten today?” asked Dr McGrumpy. I replied in the negative. But I know what that means. That means they can put him under general anesthetic. Things were not looking good.

The last two stitches were the worst. I thought I was going to start hyper-ventilating, never mind Leo, but he was braver than me. After about ten minutes it was all over. He must have been high from the gas. As we left the hospital he asked if we could go and play outside.

When we got home I took his hand walked him towards the house. “Phew I didn’t die,” he said. I’ll second that. And phew we don’t live in England, we’d still be in casualty.