I know now why surgeons wear green. It’s to match their faces. I have just got back from “scrubbing in” as they call it in Grey’s Anatomy. I am at the La Prairie Clinic just outside Montreux researching my next book and having a perfect time. This place is paradise. I have slept for ten hours each night, eaten the healthiest food I have ever seen and been pampered from head to foot. If you’ve got the dough; go.
Today I interviewed their plastic surgeon, a charming man called Sabri Derder. Dr Derder was rushing off to operate when we met so we only had 20 minutes to chat.
“What sort of operation is it?” I asked.
“Breast lifting, liposuction and a nose job,” he said. “All on the same woman.”
I said I would love to see that. “Come along,” he told me. “But you should have lunch first.”
In the restaurant I was too excited to eat. The thought of all that green kit, a real operating theatre and real live Dr McDreamy (pictured left) just made me lose my appetite. So off I charged to the female dressing room in the operating block where I was given a whole new (green) outfit, complete with plastic green clogs (slightly last season but we are in Switzerland) and a cute little scrub-cap (although I can see why McDreamy and co have their own designer ones). Oh and a mask, which looked truly unsexy with glasses but what the hell. I was told to wash my hands and forearms and then cover them in antiseptic. I was a little worried about how the antiseptic would mix with the seaweed wrap I’d had earlier but it seemed OK.
On the operating table lay the victim. Dr Derder was busy pushing metal poles into her hips. Through a plastic tube a mixture of fat and blood was pouring.
“Have you had lunch?” asked Penny, the English scrub-nurse. “It’s always better to eat beforehand.”
I coped well with the liposuction. It was the breasts that did me in. You know how when men get a football in their crotch other men inexplicably always wince? Well, you should have seen me wince. I won’t go into too much detail but a boob-lift is not as simple as it might sound. This woman’s nipples, for example, were moved up by four centimetres.
I have thought about a boob-job, especially after the mammogram left my breasts less perky than they once were (see below blog Flat as a Pancake). I also thought it might be a painless way of dealing with any impending mid-life crisis. Believe me, it isn’t.
Copyright: Helena Frith Powell 2007
Very interesting, Helena. I am glad you have been dissuaded from surgically perking up your lovely breasts which are just fine, in my humble opinion…
Are women subjecting themselves to these procedures for the benefit of men, or for themselves? Please don’t imagine we much notice.
On behalf of most men, I am certain, can I just say: we don’t care. We would really rather you left nature to take its course.
Of course if this is because women are constantly inspecting one another then the male influence is limited.
I hope your new book will address this question.
Hello Mr M
I certainly will look at this in the new book. I think it’s a mixture of self-esteem, wanting to feel good about oneself and also wanting to be attractive (ie more attractive than other women). But there are limits……
Hx
what a great idea for research. why don’t i ever come up with ideas like that. the most exotic location i’ve written about is … corwall. tragic, eh?
er – make that cornwall
I would say it was worth every minute, considering the alternative view you had, of the so-handsome surgeon; is Jonathan Miller the journalist who used to make my Sundays (or perhaps it was Saturdays )in the Times but who went off to Pezenas? I have been searching for him (to read his articles of course) ever since. Did the TV licence people ever get him? Please do tell…
I did catch that plane but have missed a few since…
Are Jonathan Miller and Janejill the same person? If not, this could be a cyber romance in the making…
Just saw your piece on breast surgery, after writing to you about your nora ephron woes. Listen, the mammogram has not permanently maimed your breasts. I have some great, simple exercises you can do to keep them from sagging. They really work! I am 50, have never had surgery, have largish breasts and can practically go braless. Not that I would. Wearing a good bra and wearing it most of the time also works wonders.
One can admire a person for their mind you know …. if you look at my blog, I think I have proved I am female.(see “Tenderness in Tenerife” Now it is up to Jonathan to prove his existence…
Aach! The large lunch I just ate is now feeling quite unsettled after reading that post! Wow HFP, you do get to do some really cool stuff.
And MadM – I think Corwall sounds better! 🙂