What not to wear…..
I am on a train speeding through the Swedish countryside en route to yet another tough assignment. I am going to write an article about Scandinavia’s first nudist B&B for The Times (www.hyltebergagard.se). I have covered (being the operative word) some weird and wonderful things during my journalistic career but this promises to be one of the more unusual.
Packing was tricky. “Why the bag?” was Rupert’s first question. I cannot begin to imagine what it’s going to be like. Will I be able to have a normal conversation with a total stranger while he is naked? Will I be able to stop myself from looking ‘down there’? Is looking ‘down there’ encouraged or frowned upon? What about my own ‘down there’? How will I cope with people who’s names I don’t even know casually assessing it. Whatever else, it’s not an ideal time to have a bad hair day - anywhere.
The weather in Sweden has been amazing for once. But despite that Leonardo asked me this morning why it is always cold. “Because we’re in Sweden,” I told him. There was a slight pause. “Then why are we here?” he said.
This is a fair question and one that I can only answer with the excuse that having been born here and lived here for several years, there is something that draws me back again and again. Luckily Rupert seems quite taken with it, although he is now also sick of meatballs.
Which brings me neatly back to the theme of the day. “I have one ball with my willie,” Leonardo told me proudly yesterday. “Yes,” I replied. “And one day you will have two balls, like Daddy.” He looked at me rather questioningly and then asked; “Yes, but will they be tennis balls?”
Here’s hoping they won’t, and more crucially that any balls I happen to catch a glimpse of during this assignment are not enough to put me off my breakfast. Bed, Breakfast and Balls. It could catch on….
Copyright: Helena Frith Powell 2008
16 Jul 2008 helena
You’ll be fine but don’t volunteer to cook an ‘English breakfast’ - painful. AB.
Good advice AB, you sound like an experienced man…
Hx
Please report back on the different “hair styles”. I’ve always been fascinated. Does the lack of creativity usually expressed through clothes wearing, lead to more focus on “down there”? Can’t wait to read the blog.
Julesritter.com
A nudist B&B, what fun.
I’ve sat on nudist beaches and sprinted as far as the sea, but I’ve never been to a tackle-out B&B. It all sounds a bit Swedish and unhealthily healthy. I keep thinking about the rush for the evening buffet table when the salmon arrives – all pushing and shoving from behind trying to get served. They’ll probably give you an indoctrination spiel telling you how it is perfectly natural to be naked and no one will be looking “down-there” or thinking of anything sexual. Don’t believe a word of it. Many years ago when I could actually see what was “down-there” an ex was quite keen on nudism and asked me to go to Agde for a long weekend. I explained that when I went on vacation I liked to relax, She said I could relax in Agde. I told her I wouldn’t feel comfortable as I can only relax with my hands in my pockets.
For Jules: I am reliably informed that the latest “down-there” tonsorial fashion for the incredibly chic Parisienne is “le ticket de Metro”.
Enjoy Sweden, kreftur season starts soon.
I’m hoping there might be some photos…??? Of the Swedish countryside of course!
Children have a knack of saying it just like it is, n’est ce pas!
The whole point with going to Sweden in the summer is that you can happily wear your winter wardrobe. Why would anyone be stupid enough to go around naked in that climate? Leonardo has a point. You better stop waxing and grow a fur Helena!
By the way, I’m Swedish.
You are far braver than I am. Sounds too cold for me, even if I wanted to parade around in my altogether. Even the water temperature of the ocean has to be icy. Just thinking about it gives me goose-bumps all over.