Pity poor Paris Hilton. After three days in prison she is on the verge of a breakdown and has been sent home. You may think the reason for this breakdown had something to do with being incarcerated along with some pretty rough birds from downtown LA, or just being incarcerated, or having to eat overcooked vegetables or not being allowed near a Prada store for 24 hours. But I think it had more to do with the clothes she was forced to wear.

I’m sorry, but three days in an orange jump-suit is enough to send anyone over the edge. Orange is so last week, and terribly unflattering. Also poor old Hilton does not have the advantages of an English public-school education. As Evelyn Waugh said: “Any one who has been to an English public school will always feel comparatively at home in prison.”

George Michael has been spared prison and is instead going to do 100 hours community service for “drug driving”. I think community service is a much better option for celebs. That way they can do something useful for once.

What a wasted opportunity it was not to give young Paris some dreary tasks instead of a custodial sentence. I’m sure there are plenty of old people who would have loved their meals on wheels delivered by Paris wearing a pinafore. Or maybe she could been assigned the task of picking up rubbish on Rodeo Drive and get in a spot of shopping at the same time?

I wonder what they’ll find for George Michael to do? Probably not cleaning public loos.

Copyright: Helena Frith Powell 2007