Guinea Pigs looking for a good home

My friend Amanda sent me an email with an attachment describing three guinea pigs looking for a home. “Very cute four week old guinea pigs looking for a home,” it reads. “We like to stroll around, squeak all the time for food and we love to cuddle. All we need is a cage, hay, water and pellets.”

I thought I might solve our housing crisis by sending out a similar one for the children. This is how it might read if written by Olivia:

Three very cute and lovely children looking for a home in central Abu Dhabi. Must be a large house, have sea view and be close to the French school so we can come home for snacks should we need to. Would also prefer walking distance to Marina Mall or possibly driver on hand to take us there.

We like to shop. Leo doesn’t much, but that doesn’t matter. We also like to play Nintendo DS games; someone with a library of said games (especially Super Mario) would be preferential. Or in any case enough money to buy them. If you have a spare room for our parents that would be good too, but we’re not really fussed.

We eat almost anything; Bea will try to eat nothing but chocolate cereal, but don’t let her. We must have pasta at least once a week please. We also need a TV with programmes we like such as Hannah Montana. If we have to share a room, then Bea and I could, but could you put Leo in his own room please because he snores. You will like him a lot, everyone does, he is blond and charming. It gets a bit irritating actually.

That’s it. We’re very nice, not that much trouble. Well, Bea is a bit. But you’ll get used to her. Leo is fine as long as he has a ball to play with. And I’m very useful if you ever lose anything as I remember everything. Thanks. Oh can I have a mobile phone please? A pink one. Don’t give one to Bea, she’ll only break it. She just broke mummy’s. Leo wouldn’t know what to do with one because he’s a boy. Please write soon. Mummy is going mad with us all in the hotel and it’s getting boring.

Copyright: Helena Frith Powell 2008

7 thoughts on “Guinea Pigs looking for a good home

  1. If all else fails:

    Fried Guinea Pig (Ayacucho-style)

    1 guinea pig, de-haired, gutted, and cleaned

    1/2 c. flour

    1/4 – 1/2 t. ground cumin

    salt and black pepper to taste

    1/2 c. oil

    Pat dry the skin of the guinea pig and rub in the cumin, salt, and pepper. Preheat oil. Dust the carcass with the flour and place it on its back in the oil, turning to cook both sides. Alternately, the guinea pig can be cut and fried in quarters.

    Serve with boiled potato or boiled manioc root, and a salad of cut tomatoes and slivered onions bathed in lime juice and a bit of salt. Have cold beer on hand.

  2. Helena,

    I had to laugh at Olivia’s ad. Your kids are absolutely precious and frighteningly smart. I hope you soon find accommodations without the guinea pigs. I don’t care what anyone says they smell! Still looking for a job!

    Sharyn G

  3. Please see our Website for the truth about Abu Dhabi. I hope that by being frank in your article you are not put in a ‘difficult’ position. I wrote to the Home section a month ago explaining the situation re our Web Site, when they gave a double page spread to the Gulf including Abu Dhabi. I do hope you have a chance whilst out there to also use your journalistic skills to visit the prisons and ask questions about kidnappings.I would never wish to put you in any danger but you can ask Simon Pearce Director of Strategic Communications Abu Dhabi Tel 2 616 0288..Mobile 50 8181 627 why he cannot ‘communicate’ . you can contact me in U.K on O1327 261340(Northants) 07505502364 Mobile or contact me on my E mail.Your articles are always informative and I hope you can find something very important through this message.
    Janis Hetherington ..Justice4Jaweed.

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