I don’t know you, but I hate you

Posted on May 21, 2012 by Helena

OK I promise I won’t go on about the AMAZING Champions League victory on Saturday, I realise most of my readers are not obsessive Chelsea fans. But today is George Best’s birthday, so it would be rude not to mention football at all.
Even those of you who don’t follow football will have heard of George. He was the first celebrity footballer, a two-footed genius whose flamboyant lifestyle eventually got the better of him. This quote from the man himself sums him up: “I spent 90% of my money on women, drink and fast cars. The rest I wasted.”
No one minded that he was a playboy, because he had charm. It is incredible how much one can get away with if one has it. And how many people are sadly lacking in it. Just before the magazine closed down, we ran a feature by Anna Blundy, one of my favourite writers, called ‘I don’t know you, but I hate you.’ It was all about first impressions, and how we inexplicably hate some people on sight. Funnily enough I had the opposite happen the other day, I really liked someone on sight, quite an unusual experience. Especially as our sons were on opposing football teams.
Now that I am a stay at home mum I see a lot more of the school run and the school mums. I do think the ‘hate at first sight’ thing is most prevalent at the school gates. Why is this? Is it because we would all rather be having their nails done or lunching with a lover? Is it because we are all linked by the common denominator of children in the same school and somehow this common factor creates rivalry? Or maybe it’s just because, in the main, women don’t much like other women, or at least ones they don’t know? After all, they might be after their husbands. Or even worse, their lovers.
I would like to assure all the mothers at school that I am not a threat. I have yet to see anyone’s husband (apart from my own) that I want to end up in bed with.
Maybe I will try a charm offensive and smile at some of the grumpier ones today. In my post Champions League euphoria I am Miss Magnanimous. Or I could just send the driver to get the children and sit at home watching old youtube clips of George….

All in a day’s work

Posted on May 16, 2012 by Helena

I have always wondered what it would be like not to work. I have literally not stopped since university. I never had maternity leave (I was making calls from my hospital bed) and although I worked from home for a long time in France, I had at least three jobs at any given time.

The first thing I have noticed is how quickly the days go now. I thought I would have so much time and instead I seem to have almost less. Never again will I look askance at mothers who don’t work and secretly think they should get on with something useful rather than grumbling about their husbands. When you don’t work, there is a world of stuff to keep you busy. I was “let go” over three weeks ago, that’s almost my entire annual holiday, and I haven’t even noticed it go.
Lunch, for example, keeps me busy. This week I have truly been a lady who lunches, with lunches every day. Tomorrow I have one that is work related (more on that if it comes to anything), but thus far I have been lunching with other ladies who lunch. It’s been a bit of a learning curve. First of all I had no idea lunch has to start early so that said ladies can get to school on time to pick up their children. So far since my release I have managed the school run a total of four times. I kid you not. I have been too busy doing other things to do the one thing a non-working mother should do. Happily Stanley has been on hand to collect them from school.
Of course once the kids are home there is no possibility of achieving anything much. The girls are revising for exams, then there are activities, piano practice and before you know it, it’s apero time.
And I haven’t even started on looking after the husband. This of course is now my main aim. No admin chore is too large, no trip downstairs to get a cup of tea too onerous. Seriously though, there has been an imperceptible shift. Basically anything to do with the kids or the household is my responsibility. At first I was slightly irritated, but it’s fair enough really. If one person earns all the money, the other one should look after things at home. One thing I used to loathe about non-working mothers was how they would make their working/commuting/stressed-out husbands take on as much at home as they did.

I feel a little bit like a perfect wife in Mad Men, a sort of ideal woman from another era, calmly running my household and making sure everyone in it is happy, well fed and well rested. To be honest, it’s not a bad job. And I do at least get on well with my bosses. Although I can see how it could turn one into a Stepford wife after a few months.

But, my 1950s alter ego might argue, what’s wrong with that….?

French Feminism

Posted on June 15, 2011 by Helena

This morning as I was battling on the exercise bike, I watched a brilliant programme on the French channel Arte about the feminst group ‘Ni Putes, Ni Soumises’ (not whores, nor submissives). Obviously as it was all in French I hardly understood any of it, but what did strike me was how elegant French feminists are. They wear lip gloss, nice clothes and have expensive hair cuts. In fact, they look just like most French women.

Maybe the days when feminists had obligatory hairy armpits and wore hideous sandals are over? Perhaps now that we (I use the term loosely) have made such great strides we can go back to looking like most women actually want to look, which is feminine and, well, beautiful?

In the book Persepolis that I blogged about a few weeks ago there is a brilliant cartoon where the author shows how ridiculous rules about how you look keep women from thinking about what is really important. So if you are worried abut being arrested because your scarf is not on the right way, or your abaya is too clingy, or your lip gloss too obvious, then you are unlikely to have the time to worry about your right to vote, or talk to a male or complain about the regime that is oppressing you.

So now that feminists can go back to high heels, waxed legs and mascara, will it give them less or more time to feminise? Is that even a word? Who knows, but at least I have time to think about it.

A lesson in charm

Posted on September 18, 2009 by Helena

When I was in Cairo, apart from the incredible Nawal El Saadawi, I met and interviewed one of the country’s most famous film stars; Mona Zaki.
She was lovely. We met at her mother’s house where she fed me Ramadan sweets and tea and we chatted to her young daughter Lily. She couldn’t have been nicer; welcoming, sweet, kind, interesting and very pretty. Whenever she laughs her nose wrinkles which is charming. She was like a smaller, younger version of Julia Roberts.
She reminded me of Ines de la Fressange, the former Chanel muse and model. When I interviewed her for my book about French women she went out of her way to help.
“My motto is to treat everyone like your best friend,” she told me.
They are both in stark contrast to another star, Glenn Close, who was in Abu Dhabi a few months ago. We saw her at the Emirates Palace Hotel. I was with the girls.
“Quick,” I told Olivia. “That’s the woman from 101 Dalmations, ask for her autograph.”

Olivia approached her, pen and paper at the ready.
“Excuse me please, are you the lady from 101 Dalmations?” she asked.
“No,” said Glenn Close, turning away.
Poor Olivia was gutted and of course thought I had got it wrong. Which I hadn’t, there was a big interview with her in our paper the following day.
She should pick up some charm tips from Mona and Ines.
Copyright: Helena Frith Powell 2009

Girlie Stereotypes

Posted on September 9, 2009 by Helena

We have an office assistant on the magazine called Fadwa. She is great. Lebanese but raised in Abu Dhabi. She always has an opinion or something to tell us all. This morning she arrived with a quote of the day which is as follows:

If you marry a monkey for his money, the money might disappear and you will be left with a monkey.

It got me thinking about an article I am writing about so-called Jumeirah Janes. These are basically ladies who lunch, have their nails done and complain about their maids. They often live in an area of Dubai called Jumeirah. Then I started thinking about other girlie stereotypes; Chavs, Sloane Rangers, Valley Girls, Essex Girls.

Can you think of any more? I would love to include several of them from all over the world in the article so send please them over. I was trying to think of a Swedish one but can only come up with a male stereotype: the ‘raggare‘ who drives an old American car and cruises chicks. Or maybe they don’t even exist in any more now that petrol is so expensive.

I end on another one of Fadwa’s bon mots: A smart man is a man who makes money for his girl to spend. A smart girl is one who finds a man like that.

Nothing stereotypical about that…. Oh and by the way, if Annie Liebowitz is going bust what hope is there for the rest of us?
Copyright: Helena Frith Powell 2009

Wear trousers today…because you can

Posted on July 31, 2009 by Helena

It is astonishing to think that in the year 2009 a woman can receive 40 lashes from a whip-wielding police officer for any offence. It is even more astounding when you realise her “crime” was to wear a pair of trousers.

This is what may happen to the Sudanese journalist Lubna Hussein who was arrested on July 3rd for wearing trousers, along with 13 other women in a cafe. Instead of submitting to a lesser amount of lashes straight away as some of the others did, she opted to stand trial for her crime. In addition she resigned from her job at the UN which would have afforded her immunity so she could challenge the ruling.

“This is not a case about me wearing pants.This is a case about annulling the article that addresses women’s dress code, under the title of indecent acts. This is my battle. This article is against the constitution and even against Islamic law itself,” she said.

I agree that a lot abuses of human rights are carried out under the auspices of religious law which is not, I imagine, how it was intended. Nowhere in the Koran does it say that women cannot wear trousers. It just says they should dress modestly. Some have interpreted this to mean they should be covered from head to foot.

I am living in a thankfully far more modern Islamic state than the Sudan, but even here the penalty under Sharia law for sex outside marriage is death by stoning. Death by stoning? Surely such a barbaric and base method of punishment has no place in any society, especially one that prides itself on tolerance and kindness, as Islamic society does?

Also today send a prayer, spare a thought, whatever it is you believe in, for Aung San Suu-Kyi, another female victim of a nonsense “crime” who welcomed an (uninvited) stranger into her house and now faces five years in prison. Her sentecing is today. How she manages to remain one of the most elegant, serene and beautiful women in the world is a miracle.

Let the festivities begin….

Posted on June 26, 2009 by Helena

One of Ali’s daughters is getting married on Sunday. There are huge preparations going on. Yesterday the girls had their hands and arms hennaed (see below pic of Olivia, Bea and Salama, Bea only had one arm done because it hurt too much). This evening there is a party and there have been make-up artists next door preparing Ali’s eight daughters for the event. It is a women only do, and of course there will be no alcohol. This is my first ever party without men and booze; I am intrigued to see what it will be like.

The lack of men does not stop the girls dressing up though. I was told by an Emirati girl I met last night that they are dressing up for potential mother-in-laws. It is like a beauty parade of potential brides. Even old trouts like me are expected to make an effort; the way you dress is a sign of respect or otherwise to the bride. Here you are supposed to outdo the bride, or at least try to, it’s considered rude not to.
It is not only the women who dress up. Our house is covered in lights, it looks glorious, I will post a picture. And we haven’t even had the wedding. It seems there are three days of festivities culminating on Sunday with a big bash which Rupert will be allowed to come to, but he’ll have to stay in another room so the girls can show off their glamorous clothes to each other. Sunday apparently is an all-glitter event. This evening I am just going for the full-length silk Tommy Hilfiger ball-gown with train….proof if ever was needed that women dress for other women.
Copyright: Helena Frith Powell 2009

Please sign this petition….

Posted on May 20, 2009 by Helena

Whatever your political beliefs, I can’t imagine any of you think she should be locked up because some idiot swam across a lake to visit her…if you cut and paste the below link you should end up in the right place.

http://www.avaaz.org/en/free_aung_san_suu_kyi/97.php/?cl_tta_sign=6df31903e6b3419193e3e4debf9ebebb

A French experience

Posted on May 6, 2009 by Helena

Yesterday was a busy day. In between checking my amazon rating, I interviewed Christine Ockrent, who is Belgian but one of those women you always think of as French because she made her career there. She was, among other notable things, France’s first female news anchor and also the only journalist to get an interview with Saddam Hussein during the first gulf war.

She was late due to lunch with a Sheikha and so I waited with her entourage of French women in the Business Centre at the Emirates Palace Hotel. There is one thing I had forgotten about French women. They all smoke. I couldn’t believe it. There I was innocently working out what to ask Madame Ockrent when suddenly I was being fumigated.

“Oh, do you mind the smoke?” said one.

“Well, I’m not mad about it, ” I replied.

“Oh, sorry,” she said making a lame attempt to wave her poison in the other direction.

What is the point I wondered, in asking someone if they mind and then carrying on? ‘Oh do you mind if I sleep with your husband?’ ‘You do? Oh well, try not to notice would you?’

Anyway Madame Ockrent was extremely interesting. She is now CEO of France 24 and here to launch the extended Arab version of the channel. She has done pretty much everything I always wanted to; including reading the news on national TV, writing books, working as a foreign correspondent all over the world and getting major scoops.

And, as far as I know, she doesn’t smoke….

Free Esha Momeni

Posted on November 3, 2008 by Helena

A couple of nights ago I sat next to a young man at a drinks party who had escaped from Iran aged 14 in the back of a van. This was in 1987. So while I was going to dinner parties at university and making vital decisions like what to wear, he was risking his life for a better future.

Esha “Iran is nothing to me now,” he told me. “I am an American.” Interestingly he also told me that if he ever wanted to go back, he would have to adopt Iranian nationality. Iranians are not allowed to visit unless they are nationals. The reason for this? “So they can throw you in jail with impunity,” he said.

As I write a young student from the University of California is languishing in the notorious Evin prison in Tehran. Her alleged crime? A totally fabricated minor traffic offence. Her real crime? Investigating women’s rights in Iran for her university thesis. She is also a member of the Iranian women’s rights group Change for Equality (www.forequality.info/english/). Esha called her family the day after her arrest on October 15th but no one has heard anything since then.

Esha Momeni is Iranian/American. Her family, who live in Iran, were told that if there was no publicity surrounding her arrest she would be freed. This has not happened, so her desperate family have told the press about it. They must remember the case of the Canadian journalist raped and murdered there a few years ago and countless others who have never been seen again.

Evin is not a place you would want to end up. I have just finished reading an excellent book about it called Prisoner of Tehran which tells the story of a young student who escapes the firing squad by marrying her interrogator. But not before she is tortured to within an inch of her life. And all because she wanted to learn something at school and not just listen to rants about how marvellous Khomeni was.

If you do nothing else today then please spare a thought for Esha and sign this petition (www.PetitionOnline.com/EshaM/) or join Amnesty International and find out how you can help Esha and others like her.