Bodyguard blues

I have been totally amazed by the TV critics’ unequivocal praise for the latest BBC series; Bodyguard. Every single review I’ve read has been positive bordering on fawning. It’s almost as if the whole of the press has come together and decided to say nothing bad about it at all. Even the totally unrealistic fact that every significant role (except of course the eponymous hero) is female has been called “brave” by the Daily Mail of all papers. It may be brave, but it doesn’t work. It makes the whole thing look slightly ridiculous. It’s rather like watching a production of Romeo & Juliet at an all-girls school. And while I’m on the subject, how BAD is the actress who plays the head of the Met’s anti-terrorism squad? It feels like even she doesn’t believe the politically correct casting.

There is the basis for a really excellent, gripping drama here. Who doesn’t love a middle-aged woman suddenly finding herself thrust up against a wall by a young buck? But not by a young buck who sounds like a constipated Scottish Oliver Mellors. How many times can you say “Yes Ma’am” in one hour? And while I’m on the subject of dialogue; Mrs Durrell aka Keeley Hawes is her totally brilliant, scintillating, rather plummy self. And as a rather plummy woman of a certain age she WOULD NEVER, EVER SAY “unless you fancy a cuppa”. ‘Fancy’ is not, in her world, a verb. It may be acceptable as an adjective, but it’s really best avoided. I’m not even going to talk about ‘cuppa’.

Keeley Hawes is great and rather carries the whole thing. The young buck, Richard Madden, is hunky enough even without his bullet-proof vest to make their affair vaguely interesting. And who can resist the angst and the pain behind the brave, heroic exterior? Although having said that, much as I applaud anyone able to stop a suicide bomber, what if Nadia had decided to blow herself up along with him and the rest of the train, which by the way included his two small children? Was it really worth the risk?

I think this series is an opportunity missed. The storyline is too obvious, the dialogue not clever enough (although there was one brilliant line when Maddon’s boss tells him to ‘piss off’, echoes of Miranda Priestly in The Devil wears Prada) and it’s bloody annoying, not to mention cringeworthy, that we have to have some politically correct message constantly shoved down our throats.

Too much guard and not enough body. Back off Auntie…