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What not to wear…..

16th July 2008 by Helena 13 Comments  

I am on a train speeding through the Swedish countryside en route to yet another tough assignment. I am going to write an article about Scandinavia’s first nudist B&B for The Times (www.hyltebergagard.se). I have covered (being the operative word) some weird and wonderful things during my journalistic career but this promises to be one of the more unusual.

The pool will be popular...

Packing was tricky. “Why the bag?” was Rupert’s first question. I cannot begin to imagine what it’s going to be like. Will I be able to have a normal conversation with a total stranger while he is naked? Will I be able to stop myself from looking ‘down there’? Is looking ‘down there’ encouraged or frowned upon? What about my own ‘down there’? How will I cope with people who’s names I don’t even know casually assessing it. Whatever else, it’s not an ideal time to have a bad hair day – anywhere.

The weather in Sweden has been amazing for once. But despite that Leonardo asked me this morning why it is always cold. “Because we’re in Sweden,” I told him. There was a slight pause. “Then why are we here?” he said.

This is a fair question and one that I can only answer with the excuse that having been born here and lived here for several years, there is something that draws me back again and again. Luckily Rupert seems quite taken with it, although he is now also sick of meatballs.

Which brings me neatly back to the theme of the day. “I have one ball with my willie,” Leonardo told me proudly yesterday. “Yes,” I replied. “And one day you will have two balls, like Daddy.” He looked at me rather questioningly and then asked; “Yes, but will they be tennis balls?”

Here’s hoping they won’t, and more crucially that any balls I happen to catch a glimpse of during this assignment are not enough to put me off my breakfast. Bed, Breakfast and Balls. It could catch on….

Copyright: Helena Frith Powell 2008


Filed Under: Journalism, Sweden, blog -->

13 thoughts on What not to wear.....

  • Arthur Burland says:
    16th July 2008 at 2:31 pm

    You’ll be fine but don’t volunteer to cook an ‘English breakfast’ – painful. AB.

  • helena says:
    16th July 2008 at 2:38 pm

    Good advice AB, you sound like an experienced man…
    Hx

  • Jules says:
    16th July 2008 at 3:08 pm

    Please report back on the different “hair styles”. I’ve always been fascinated. Does the lack of creativity usually expressed through clothes wearing, lead to more focus on “down there”? Can’t wait to read the blog.
    Julesritter.com

  • GHCH says:
    16th July 2008 at 4:01 pm

    A nudist B&B, what fun.

    I’ve sat on nudist beaches and sprinted as far as the sea, but I’ve never been to a tackle-out B&B. It all sounds a bit Swedish and unhealthily healthy. I keep thinking about the rush for the evening buffet table when the salmon arrives – all pushing and shoving from behind trying to get served. They’ll probably give you an indoctrination spiel telling you how it is perfectly natural to be naked and no one will be looking “down-there” or thinking of anything sexual. Don’t believe a word of it. Many years ago when I could actually see what was “down-there” an ex was quite keen on nudism and asked me to go to Agde for a long weekend. I explained that when I went on vacation I liked to relax, She said I could relax in Agde. I told her I wouldn’t feel comfortable as I can only relax with my hands in my pockets.

    For Jules: I am reliably informed that the latest “down-there” tonsorial fashion for the incredibly chic Parisienne is “le ticket de Metro”.

    Enjoy Sweden, kreftur season starts soon.

  • Sev says:
    16th July 2008 at 9:17 pm

    I’m hoping there might be some photos…??? Of the Swedish countryside of course!

  • amethyst says:
    16th July 2008 at 11:15 pm

    Children have a knack of saying it just like it is, n’est ce pas!

  • Miko says:
    17th July 2008 at 5:02 pm

    The whole point with going to Sweden in the summer is that you can happily wear your winter wardrobe. Why would anyone be stupid enough to go around naked in that climate? Leonardo has a point. You better stop waxing and grow a fur Helena!
    By the way, I’m Swedish.

  • Sharyn G says:
    17th July 2008 at 10:23 pm

    You are far braver than I am. Sounds too cold for me, even if I wanted to parade around in my altogether. Even the water temperature of the ocean has to be icy. Just thinking about it gives me goose-bumps all over.

  • Steffen Brummer Pind says:
    28th February 2009 at 9:35 pm

    Hej,

    Av en ren slump såg jag din blog!
    Ditt repotage i The Time har vi då inte sett alls och inte heller någon av de (säkert) minst hundra bilderna som togs här ute hos oss.
    TRevligt om fotografen hade skickat något – där vi var med!

    med bästa hälsningar
    Eva & Steffen

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Helena Frith Powell was born in Sweden to a Swedish mother and Italian father, but grew up mainly in England. She is the author of eleven books, translated into several languages including Chinese and Russian. She wrote the French Mistress column The Sunday Times about life in France for several years. She is a regular contributor to the Daily Mail, Mail on Sunday, The Times, Daily Telegraph, Tatler Magazine and Harper’s Bazaar.

Helena has been the editor of four magazines, including M Magazine, a supplement for the Abu Dhabi-based National Newspaper and FIVE, a high-end fashion glossy, also published in Abu Dhabi. Helena was also editor-in-chief of 360 Life, a quarterly glossy magazine published with the Sports 360 Newspaper in Dubai, part of the Chalhoub Group.

Helena contributes regularly to UK-based newspapers and magazines and holds a Masters in Creative Writing from the University of Cambridge. She is working on a thriller set in Sweden as well as a novel about the relationship between Virginia Woolf and Katherine Mansfield called Sense of an Echo.

In 2022 her short story The Japanese Gardener came second in the Fish Publishing Short Story Prize. One of her stories was also shortlisted for the Bridport Short Story Prize. When she’s not writing, she works as a headhunter for the media and entertainment industry for the Sucherman Group. 

Helena, who was educated at Durham University, lives in the Languedoc region of France with her husband Rupert and their three children.

Bibliography

More France Please, we’re British; Gibson Square 2004

Two Lipsticks and a Lover 2005; Gibson Square (hardback)

All You Need to be Impossibly French; (US version of above) Penguin 2006

Two Lipsticks and a Lover; Arrow Books (paperback) 2007

Ciao Bella Gibson Square; (hardback) 2006

Ciao Bella Gibson Square; (paperback) 2007

So Chic! (French version of Two Lipsticks) Leduc Editions 2008 (also translated into Chinese, Russian and Thai)

More, More France; Gibson Square 2009

To Hell in High Heels; Arrow Books 2009 (also translated into Polish)

The Viva Mayr Diet; Harper Collins 2009

Love in a Warm Climate; Gibson Square 2011

The Ex-Factor; Gibson Square 2013

Smart Women Don’t Get Wrinkles; Gibson Square 2016

The Arnolfini Marriage; Amazon Kindle December 2016

Smart Women Don’t Get Wrinkles (paperback); Gibson Square spring 2018

The Longest Night; Gibson Square spring 2019

 

 

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