The other night when Rupert was away and the two smaller children were in bed, Olivia (aged seven) and I had what people rather nauseatingly call “quality” time together. We sat in a rose-oil scented bath, both wearing shower caps, and discussed life’s important issues such as why people die and whether Dr McDreamy loves Meredith or his bossy wife.
Then we moved on to lesser topics such as what I wanted to be when I was a little girl. The answer is a vet for wild animals, a surgeon, an actress or a writer. Olivia liked the idea of being a vet or an actress. The surgeon didn’t appeal because “you have to hold hearts”. She liked the idea of writing a book about how annoying her sister is.
When we got out of the bath we both wrapped ourselves in white towels and started brushing our teeth. I wandered out of the bathroom towards the fireplace, still brushing my teeth. I looked behind me at one stage and there was this little girl, gazing up at me adoringly, copying my every movement. All of a sudden a terrible voice came into my head which said; “One day she will hate you.”
I had a terrible night’s sleep. All night that sentence went round and round in my head. I wondered what they will hate me for. Travelling too much? Not sharing my night cream with them? Refusing to take them to McDonald’s? Always being on a deadline?
It occurred to me that while a mother’s love is unconditional forever; a child’s is only unconditional for a very short time. As Oscar Wilde said; “Children begin by loving their parents; after a time they judge them; rarely, if ever, do they forgive them.”
I am hoping my children will all go through the normal process of hating me when they’re sixteen and then realising there are worse people. Maybe they’ll take after me. I never went through a rebellious teenage phase, my mother was far too nice and anyway always much more of a rebel than me.
Luckily at the moment the children’s hate is focused on Maud. Maud is nine years old and is Leo’s girlfriend (despite the fact that he is only three). Or so he thought until he had the following conversation with his sisters. You need to know that Astrid is a little girl who is two years old.
Bea: Leo, Maud doesn’t love you, she’s a liar. Look at me, I’m not joking when I say it.
Olivia: That’s not nice; she’s a big girl, that’s not nice to lie to a little boy.
Bea: Yes, he’s just a little boy with his little heart.
Leo: Yes I am.
Bea: Leo, Astrid might be smaller than you, but she loves you.
Olivia: That’s good, anyway boys are supposed to be bigger than girls.
I am pleased to report that yesterday, according to the girls, Leo and Astrid “kissed on the lips”, although any talk of marriage was quickly denied by both parties.
Eat your heart out Maud.
Copyright: Helena Frith Powell 2007
My stepsons (11 and 9) argue constantly over which one of them is going to marry my two year old daughter (their stepsister). We have explained to them that neither of them are going to marry her, but to no avail. Alexandre (11) was overheard to say about his sister that “c’est moi qui me marie avec elle, et d’ailleurs, elle est déj? enceinte.”
So how old is Leo?
Sally
Hello Sally
Leo is three, I will add that now, good point.
H
My partner found our five year old daughter on the computer last night in between tea and bathtime, carefully typing in HUGE font “I hate Mum I hate Dad I hate Ben” (Ben’s her brother). I still have no idea what we did to upset her. She was fine when I went to read her a bedtime story a few moments later.
My two children regularly say they hate me, usually when I say “no” to something… like sweets, an extra hour of telly, or a later bedtime.
The truth is you do end up best friends with your mum once you’ve gone through the phase of uni/first jobs/unstable love life. Then your parents relax as there’s not much to complain about and you realize that your mother and yourself are too similar in ways to argue much!
Dinna worry pet; she will never hate you! After all the teenage stuff is through girls love their mummies and mummies love their girs! (ooh, I’m getting all sentimental now! [Dabs at moist eyes.]
[…] I am pleased to report that unlike me, Olivia has fallen in love for the first time and he actually likes her too. The object of her affections is Quentin, brother of Maud, Leo’s girlfriend who apparently does love him after all (see Parental Truths Number Two blog). […]
Puppy love – very sweet
I remember being the Belle of the ball in the 4th grade.
I had a serious proposal of mariage that got forgotten later on…
Perplexing this mother hating thing…
You have to hate someone as a teenager. Isn’t it better to hate someone you know will forgive you?
On the other hand, at 12 my mother would complain, why did I have to grow up? I was so sweet at 10!?
It’s not just teenagers who go through a period of adjustment.
Hi Hels,
I don’t think that it is in their nature to hate you unless they get flash backs to those evenings when they were handed over to me while mummy and daddy went out. I blame the haircutting incident on this.
Should you need to address this in nine years time then I would be thrilled to have them come to the states and stay with me.
Cheers,
Naughty Simmone,