I think if I lived in LA I would never need to go to the movies (as we like to call them in downtown LA); I would just amuse myself watching people in the street. I only arrived four hours ago but I have seen more to make me laugh than you do in downtown Pezenas (where I live) in a year.
The first thing was at the hotel where two coloured men were admiring the fish tank by the lifts. It is full of fish (funny that) and brightly-coloured coral. What was so amusing was that one of the men had dyed his hair half orange and half yellow. In fact it bore an uncanny resemblance to the coral in the fish tank. I bet the fish were as amazed by him as he was by them.
On Rodeo Drive I saw a classis Los Angeles Lollipop Lady (so-called due to their pencil-thin shape with head stuck on top). She was wearing shoes so high they could almost be defined as stilts, a rather loose-fitting summer dress which revealed two perfectly surgically enhanced breasts and of course large shades. She was standing around trying not to topple over when her designer pet, a boxer puppy, spotted another dog and went for it like a boy-racer in a Porsche. Said Lollipop lady had no option but to trot along on her stilts trying to retain her composure and not knock herself out with her enhanced breasts.
Then of course there was the obligatory lunatic. This one looked like Pamela Anderson in twenty years’ time (how scary a thought it that?) and was wearing fluorescent green velvet tracksuit trousers with a matching (does anything match fluorescent green velvet?) vest. Her hair (correction, someone else’s hair) went all the way down to her bottom in blonde waves. I don’t even need to tell you the state of her lips (again, the fish would have recognised one of their own), the body shape (tits on a stick) or the general air of madness.
I have also seen some very attractive people. One coming down the pavement towards me at about fifty miles an hour on a skateboard wearing an open shirt and jeans. At least I think he was attractive, he went by too fast to really be sure.
I am here until Saturday, partly to investigate the benefits of something called Laughter Yoga on ageing. Who needs the yoga?
Copyright: Helena Frith Powell 2007