We are staying with some lovely friends in France at the moment where I have come across a brilliant, and indispensable, book. It is called In Search of Charm and was written by a lady called Mary Young in 1962.
We are told in the blurb that Mary is the “Principal of the Mary Young Model School and Agency in London and the organizer and chief instructress of courses on poise, dress and personality”. It goes on to say that in her book, Mary “shows how to set about becoming that charming young woman you would like to be”.
My girls and I looked through it and were horrified to find that we have spent our entire lives walking into a room THE WRONG WAY. I quote: “The secret of a good entrance is to come in without commotion, closing the door behind you with both arms behind you so that you are looking into the room. The picture is even more attractive if you slide yourself into the middle of the door so that you are ‘framed’ as it were.”
We have now spent hours perfecting the entrance, as Olivia demonstrates, Mary would be proud of us. We’re still working on the exit.IMG_1850
Another top tip from Mary is how to walk up stairs. “Young woman, you should go up those stairs like a bird in flight, lightly, daintily, with feet dead straight and treading on the ball of the foot only.” Easy peasy unless you’re carrying armfuls of laundry or firewood.
Mary covers many more topics, such as hands and feet. “Did you know,” she writes, “that neglected hands can undermine your confidence?” And “Do you know that your feet should be scrubbed with soap and water and rinsed in cold water every morning and every night, and in fact as often as is convenient?”
Other subjects include personality, voice and laughter, etiquette, and even how to maintain a perfectly charming figure through her “three-fold attack” which is essential reading. First point is to “use the body in all its normal everyday activities beautifully and correctly. Second is “eat to live” and NOT the other way round. Third is “exercising, but in particular becoming an enthusiastic walker, and breathing deeply and rhythmically”.
Obviously a lot of the advice Mary gives (especially pertaining to the length of gloves we should all be wearing) is outdated. But I thought it was a fascinating insight into just how much you can do yourself to create a good impression. As Coco Chanel said “There are no ugly women, just lazy women.” And although Mary (and Coco) belong to a different era, I don’t think it does young ladies like my girls any harm at all to read about the importance of posture, manners and clean nails. I’m not sure why these things are no longer viewed as important, but they don’t seem to be. And actually they really can make a difference. I thought one of her best lines was the following: “Do you realise that in the sum total of your appearance one wrong or uncared for item can ruin the whole?” Now where did I put my gloves…?
The end of this post went the opposite direction of what I expected. Typically advice like this is laughed off, but I can appreciate the fact that you mentioned that good manners, etc., are something worth learning. No argument there! However, I do admit that I would feel a little contrived and maybe silly if I were to enter a room as you demonstrated in your video with your adorable daughter. Not that she looked contrived or silly.
Believe it or not I actually got this book in around 1974! I was a nervous and terribly shy school leaver. Although it seemed a little dated even then, much of the advice could come in handy for many of the ‘young gels’ of today. I’m thinking of those who get horribly drunk, etc and make a loud racket. Mary would spin in her grave if she could see what goes on in many a city centre on a Friday night in the 21st century.
This book was a gem found in my Grannies attic. She had given it to my teenaged aunty in the 1960’s, and it fascinates me!
I love the diagrams demonstrating the “elegant variation in the routine of taking off a coat”. Vital knowledge!
However, the part that had me almost on the floor laughing was in the section “An evening out with the boyfriend, including a meal at a restaurant”.
Things that may fall to the floor.
As a matter of fact, at no time should the escort see you picking up articles from the floor…(then goes on to say this is really the waiters duty to replace it). Supposing however, for bracelet has slipped quietly to the floor and only you are aware of this. Are you to then stoop down and pick it up? Certainly not. Try looking feminine and helplessly at your escot, saying “oh dear!…I’m afraid i’ve dropped my…. And before you’ve finished your sentence, he will, I assure you, be out of his seat and picking up the article. Try it out on an important occasion.”
That last sentence is just fantastic. I’m at the life stage the book is aimed at, but wow, how things have changed! In saying that, I can’t help but love it. It captures the essence of an era, and I have to admit, I could do with following some of the advice on classiness and elegance!
When we were still at school my friend found a copy which had belonged to her mother. We roared with laughter when we read it in the late 1970s, however now I think that it included a lot of good sense.
This book is just perfect. This book shows how women can be ladylike. I adore it. My mother gave it to me, as she had received it from her fabulous and ladylike cousin at the age of 14 in 1962. My mother didn’t really appreciate it. She gave it to me when I was 11. It was my bible of how to behave and I was born in 1972. I have that same hard copy book and bought a second hand version for my niece. Unfortunately, my niece never had any interest in it. This book should be the guide to how women should behave and conduct themselves. I love the dropping of the napkin, to see if the man will pick it up. I even did that. This is a timeless classic regarding how to be feminine.