This summer around 250,000 people will descend on the grim concrete holiday village of Cap d’Agde in the south of France for the sole purpose of getting their kit off.

When I hear Europe’s largest nudist colony is a mere half an hour away from my house, I feel it is my duty to investigate.

I enjoy a skinny dip as much as the next person, but if there’s anything likely to put you off nudism for the rest of your life, it’s a visit to Cap d’Agde. The whole place is crawling with bodies that saw better days in the 1950s. I run across Barbara and Henry from Staffordshire on the beach. Now they are, putting it kindly, edging towards advanced middle age. But compared with some of the specimens on display they look like Greek gods.
“I’m really not mad about it,” says Barbara. “But Henry likes it here. This is the third time we’ve been.”

“I love the freedom,” says Henry, carefully shielding his private parts with a copy of the Daily Mail. “I went to my first naturist beach when I was 20 and have been hooked ever since.” He admits their friends and family don’t know they come here.

Some Brits like it so much they have bought property here. Richard, who prefers not to give his last name, bought an apartment six years ago for £54,000. “It has two bedrooms, a sitting room and a dining room, but you can sleep six,” he says. “I live here full time but am not as dedicated as some of the other naturists who walk around naked when it’s minus two outside.”

Property in Cap d’Agde is cheap and the rental market thriving. You can pick up a studio which sleeps six with a view of the beach (naked oldies included) for €148,000. This can be rented out for around €900 a week during the high season. According to Philippe at Agence René Oltra, there is always rental demand. “There are more and more English coming here,” he says. “They love the sea, the light and the freedom. If you have a nice studio with a view of the sea you will always be able to rent it out.”

Some Brits who own property have got over the delicate issue of housing non-naturist relatives by buying an apartment outside the compound as well as inside. Graham and Sheila from Hampshire have two holiday homes here. “We come down with all the family for three weeks in July,” says Sheila. “Some of them prefer the non-nudist beaches so they stay in our apartment in the actual town. We rent them both out through an agency the rest of the time and the whole thing more than pays for itself.”

Those who have bought outside the naturist compound are keen to stress that Cap d’Agde has much to offer apart from sun-tanned bottoms. “It is a lovely resort to visit all year round, full of oleander and palm trees,” says Sheryl Simmons who bought a property on the Richelieu beach earlier this year with her husband Bob. “Our apartment is only a short walk from the international golf course and great value for money.”

The only people who are allowed to keep their clothes on the naturist village are the workers. In the post office I meet Stéphanie, Pierre and Carol. Pierre was working in a post office up north but was told it was either relocate to Cap d’Agde or go on the dole. “I chose Cap d’Agde, although I tried to tell them I was very shy and upset by nudity,” he says grinning broadly.

Carol says in the five years she has been there she has only seen one good-looking man. “Luckily the counter is quite high,” she says. “Even though I grew up in Cap d’Agde I find it all a bit much.” Stéphanie says the black men are usually better looking. “The average age here is about 55,” she says. “At first I found it terribly off-putting, but you get used to it pretty quickly.”

I wander around the beach fully clothed looking for naked people to chat to. I am constantly aware that I am breaking one of the laws of the village. “Total nudism is obligatory within the village and on the beach, as soon as climatic conditions permit it,” say the regulations. Feeling horribly conspicuous I retreat to the first aid tent. I meet Jean-Louis, a lifeguard. He has worked on the beach for five years and would not look out of place in Baywatch. He tells me he deals mainly with sunburn. I am tempted to ask him where the most common sore spots are. He expertly puts a plaster on a blister I have got from wandering around all day. Maybe that’s why no one wears shoes. As I leave he smiles charmingly. Typical. The only man I would like to have seen naked is fully clothed.

Agence René Oltra http://agenceoltra.ifrance.com 00 33 (0) 467 26 33 78

France Telecom helpline

When you want to shout at someone from France Telecom it is now possible do so in English. The French telecoms operator has opened a helpline to cater for non-French speakers living in France. The number is 0800 364 775 from France or +33 1 55 78 60 56 from abroad. The helpline is open Monday to Friday 8.30am to 8pm. You can also fax them outside office hours on +33 1 55 78 62 70.

Easy Move

If you’re moving house within France there is a website designed to make your life easier. Go onto www.changement-adresse.gouv.fr, enter your old and new address as well as your social security number and the site will pass the information on to the various administrative authorities including tax and social security.